~& it lingers~

it was a wonderful day here in the new forest
after a night and day of rain and high winds we had a day of pale blue skies and a wonderful chill in the air...now the clouds are rolling in and i can hear the first drops of rain falling beyond my open window.

depsite the wind the oak is still hanging onto its leaves, although we have a wonderful pile blown onto our front garden, full of shades of red, gold and brown, of all shapes and sizes~i had a thought in the dark of night to gather a pile of my own, thread them as a garland and dry...for what purpose did this thought come to me i wonder?

my cough and cold is lingering, today, i think is day 13 and i am sitting here huddled under my brown wool poncho, a warm scarf of faded, green, ever-so thin, wool wrapped around my neck...and my Birkenstocks which i love as much as my gorgeous green boots...

i have been miserable for days now, miserable at being ill~ became more miserable when my moontime threw itself at me with pain and sickness.
i am not one of those women who embrace their moontime, to me it is nothing but pain and misery and i long for the crone to approach.

that is easing now and i am left with my 'cold'...for is it my cold or just one of my symptoms of m.e being particularly nasty at this time? these days i find it hard to differentiate between my m.e and 'other' illness.

no i think it was/is a run of the mill cold that is lingering because i had used up my resources when i was away. to me this is how it works~i have limited resourses and it takes very little to use them and then force myself to 'run on empty', pushing and pushing until something gives way and i develop some other viral infection.

i am still feeling miserable.
i am sorry, i am sure you did not come here to read of misery...but then in the tradition of an honest blogger we can all feel free to have a little moan now and then!

i have also been feeling spiritually adrift, as happens to many of us on our paths sometimes do, the things that are important seem to be taken over by the more mundane~everyday 'normal' life pushes through our boundaries and we start to drift.

but then as always i am given little reminders that pull me back on my path...i look at the last oracle card i drew sitting beside my bed~its time to draw another~my alters, both inside and out, need some care, need a change to reflect the new year facing me...its time to adopt a new routine that allows for all that is in my life and time to stop being wasteful of precious time.