~a week~

its been a busy week here at the 'roundhouse'~ a week of up and down emotions after the loss of nan last week. of course there were the usual things to be done, shopping, cooking, my studies and making sure there were plenty of sweet peas from our garden around the house...

the moon waxed slowly to full...

we went to the new forest show on wednesday, there were dreadful weather warnings for the south~but despite two heavy showers the day was dry and we saw plenty of interesting things...

steam power...

tractor driven saw...

the owner of the saw was living on site on an old showman's trailer and we could just spy the most wonderful wood burning stove inside the door~imagine how cosy it must be at night?

police dog demonstrations...

cody gets to choose a new toy...

a tepee in a prairie wildflower meadow...

wood chopping competitions...

english springer spaniel puppies~not for sale~but so very cute...

soft calves chewing the cud near mum...

huge prize winning bulls...


i bought a new mug~polish pottery...

it rained...hard...

yesterday we had my beloved nan's funeral in portsmouth.
we drove to her flat, where until two weeks ago she was cooking, washing, cleaning and shopping for herself, and where we met up with family and her old friends from the flat, who came down, as they said, 'to see her off'~some who would be coming to the funeral. i was in the limousine with my mum, my two cousins,uncle and aunts following the hearse which the undertaker walked in front of for some way.
we slowly drove through old portsmouth and instead of going straight to portchester for the service the cars slowly crept up to the very top of Portsdown Hill, a high hill that overlooks portsea, hayling island and across the solent to the isle of wight, following the hill all the way west until the road gave up and we drove down into portchester....all the way mum, uncle bill giving a commentary of all the places and events they remembered from their years growing up and i with my memories too...

southsea gallery

... we travelled through the old part of portsea where both my nan and gramps grew up, passed the lido where my sister and i would be taken with my cousins in summers past for swimming, past the road that nan would follow to take my mum, uncle and aunt and other family members hop picking every summer~where in the war a damaged german bomber about to crash, saw my nan and her group and did everything possible to avoid hitting them (that is a story for another time),up to the hill where the old air raid shelters still exist and where nan and her huge extended family would go when the bombing of portsmouth was at its worse...
during the service nan's love of singing was spoken of and i had to smile at this for the songs that nan and gramps taught us were old drinking songs~pubs seem to feature greatly in family stories; my hawkins great grandparents run a pub called the rudmore cellars and johney gauls son, john francis frequented the emperor of india...more stories for another day.

i took a posey of sweet peas, love-in-a-mist and lavender from my garden for nan and when i could not find them with the other flowers after the service, swampy (ex funeral director himself) said they would have left them on the coffin, which he felt was nicer and i agree with him.
as we were about to drive off for a gathering i am sure nan would have enjoyed,the undertaker hurried around with a rose each for my mum, aunts, cousin teresa and myself, taken from nan's flowers~mine was a gorgeous fragrant yellow, which i kept beside my bed last night and today i have it carefully wrapped in a brown bag, drying in my airing cupboard.

annie's rose...

~of waxing moon & new life~

its been a good time for photos here at the roundhouse and over black bridge...

the waxing moon a few nights ago, a great pale orange crescent~since then it has been cloudy each night.looking out of the window now the clouds are clearing...

the nuthatch couple~they have only recently been coming to the garden and you can imagine the excitement when we first saw them

two of the baby blue tits from our nest box, they have all continued to use our garden for food and right now are eating us out of house and home. they are joined daily by young sparrows and finches who fight something terrible!

this youngster was born two weeks ago over black bridge~i call him a 'cowboy pony'

~dont forget to click on the pictures!~

~of agricultural shows & an anniversary of sorts~

this week is a big week, eventwise, here in the new forest for we have the annual three day new forest show. held just about half a mile away from the village at new park manor which in 1666 was charles I favourite hunting lodge.

it is a huge event over three days with crafts, vintage farm machinery, last year a steam driven apple press was dishing out apple juice, animals of all shape and size,horse shows, wood chopping, all kinds of displays...the list is endless. this year they are doing a celebration of the land girls, with any old land girls being given the freedom of the show.

this year they are expecting up to 90,000 people to visit.
when i was small i dont think they had enough fields to use as carparks and i always remember the chaos of people parking almost right the way through the village and walking there, and my dad always dreading it, for as the village policeman he had to get out and keep the traffic moving instead of enjoying the show. he hated it!

i think there are only one or two years i have missed it over the space of 37 years or so and its a great experience.we always go on the wednesday and as usual this year i am packing a picnic to take with us~we always make sure the deckchairs and camping table is in the camper and we open up the back doors and have a nice picnic and cup of tea before going back into the showground, usually with a few people stopping to ask us about 'pippin'.

we also have an anniversary of sorts this week, for on friday we will have been in our forever home for a whole year!last year as we were coming over for the show two days before picking up our keys mum was kind enough to let us store a van load of boxes in her front room...

this is billy on guard duty...

driving through the forest to get to the car park...

soon this will be full of cars~we were there for 8.30!


picnic time and cody was exhausted...

a wild flower meadow grown for the show~the seeds we bought there are the flowers we now have in our garden


well now, here i am, been catching up on a few blogs, i will get around to doing a full catch up later.

thank you all for your wonderful comments this past week, they have meant a lot to me~coming from wonderful people, who i have never met, but who i consider friends.

its still too hard to write about my nan, but i will give you this today.

at one point during monday night i was sitting with her, she was restless and unable to sleep, just wanting to get into her own bed with the radio on, when she suddenly looked to the left of her bed and said as clear as day 'hello! how are you Dick?'

dick was my gramps, william joseph, who died in 1995. i have always been convinced he would come for nan when the time was right.

he was there waiting that night

~thank you~

oh you dear, lovely people, thank you for your comments on my last post.

the post became clear to me later that day when my family were called to portsmouth, my lovely nan was in hospital for a scan prior to an operation and had had a heart attack.

we stayed there throughout the night with her and she died at 5.30 yesterday evening.



what a day of sheer nothingness

i woke up with such good intentions, get my books out and get in a good day of study

did i?

did i heck!

oh i made lunch, made numerous cups of tea, fed cody, spoke to mum and then dad on the phone, e-mailed my friend carp, thought about doing lots of things, but only thought about it...but nothing...significant-life shattering-world changing.

i hate days like this.

is it that old dark moon introspection?
i do feel like i have shut down with my mind hardly functioning, almost like it is going into hibernation, storing up energy until the new moon and the start of new undertakings?

i suppose we are all allowed days like this~we cant spend everyday in a flurry, with things to say, things to do...

~dark moon arriving~

just as we had the wheel turn at the solstice so we are coming up to a turn in the waning cycle of the moon, we are edging slowly toward the dark moon.

a time to turn our thoughts inwards and build up any depleted energies.
its also a time for meditation and visualisation/pathworking/vision quests~whatever they are known as in your particular path , a time to ask questions and seek answers.

this is good for me as i have been having 'identity' problems with a certain someone in my own journey and its been driving me crazy~really crazy. its occupying my thoughts constantly.
when i started my journey and turned inwards for guidance and inspiration i met my guides, one i came to identify quickly, this other has been elusive to say the least.
so i have been trawling my books and endlessing thinking for hints as to who it may be.
oh i have asked, believe me, the first time i was told i was not ready, then the last time they just smiled at me~i took this to mean i am close and it feels as if i am.
in fact i am sure i am there, but just not ready to name name's to myself as it were, not quite yet.

~continuing searching the depths of solsticedreamer ~

and now for the 'multiple intelligences'...

90% *naturalist intelligence*
'The Naturalist intelligence has to do with how we relate to our surroundings and where we fit into it. People with Naturalist intelligence have a sensitivity to and appreciation for nature. They are gifted at nurturing and growing things as well as the ability to care for and interact with animals. They can easily distinguish patterns in nature.'common characteristics~bothered by pollution, enjoys having pets, likes to learn about nature, enjoys gardening, appreciates scenic places, feels alive when in contact with nature, likes to camp, hike, walk and climb, notices nature above all other things, conscious of changes in weather.

i feel as if i have been spied upon...need i say anything about this nature-loving pagan that i am!

80% Visual/Spatial
People with Visual intelligence are artistic. They are very aware of their surroundings and are good at remembering images. They have a great sense of direction. They like to draw, paint and read maps. They learn best through drawings and visual aids. common characteristics~good at drawing, can visualise pictures in head, notices colors and shapes, enjoys photography, good with directions.

okay where's the hidden camera? give me a map and i can amuse myself for hours, picking out sacred sites. even when we know where we are going i tend to have the map on my lap, pointing out points of interest and following our path.

70% Musical
People with musical intelligence love music. They appreciate rhythm and composition. They are gifted with the ability to compose, sing and/or play instrument(s). Able to recognize sounds, tones and rhythm, they have a "good ear" for music. They learn best through lectures and often use rhythm and music as a way to memorize things.
common characteristics~often have a song running through their head, have an unquenchable passion for music.

this is crazy, swmapy must have been secretly monitoring me...i have my ipod and wind-up radio beside my bed each night, if the radio gets too boring (especially sunday night...the bbc and christianity) on comes the ipod. at times the songs in my head do drive me a little crazy, especially when i a m trying to get to sleep. generally i wake to the same song.

70% Intrapersonal
People with intrapersonal intelligence are adept at looking inward and figuring out their own feelings, motivations and goals. They are introspective and seek understanding. They are intuitive and typically introverted. They learn best independently. common characteristics~introverted, prefers working alone,often thinks of self-employment, enjoys journaling, intuitive, independent, spends time thinking and reflecting.

and who did he pass the information onto? i am an introvert who looks extrovert


this has been quite an interesting experience and not like the usual fun quizes that do the rounds. all of this is me, random words that i would have picked out of a dictionary, if asked to describe myself.

~searching the depths of solsticedreamer~

well now, i took the personality profile that mel over at the wonderful clutter to shine has taken and i too am in the 1%~ an 'INFJ, Confidant, Visionary, Naturalist, Visual'~so shall we see if this is me and what does it tell me?

100% *introverted*
'Introversion is a preference to focus on the world inside the self. Introverts tend to be quiet, peaceful and deliberate and are not attracted to social interactions. They prefer activities they can do alone or with one other close friend, activities such as reading, writing, thinking, and inventing. Introverts find social gatherings draining'~ craftsman, artist, dreamer.
i would say this is me to a tee. when i say i am a 'solitary solitary' i am not joking. social gatherings scare me to death even when i know the people there. i adore being drawn into my books, which lead me into thinking, my thoughts spreading like a cobweb, joining real and imaginary. becoming so drawn in i am there, a character in the book. i have to say people and society make me tired, not all people i would like to add, but people in general. i find i have no time for the attitudes of many within society of today that i am forced to live in, the keeping up with the jones, the disrespect directed at everything. in the absence of not living in my own little utopia with like minded people i delve into my books and my imagination~which is vast.

68% *intuition*
'Intuition refers to how people process data. Intuitive people focus on the future and the possibilities. They process information through patterns and impressions. They read between the lines, they are abstract thinkers'~ imaginitive, deep, abstract,idealistic, complicated.

again i would say this is me, given what i have just written my imagination is always at that 'def con 1' stage~wild. i am not really 'present in the present' and cannot see things for what they are. i think i go deeply into everything, which is not a bad thing!

68% *feeling*
'Feeling refers to how people make decisions. Feeling people are subjective and make decisions based on principles and values. They are ruled by their heart instead of their head. Feeling people judge situations and others based on feelings and extenuating circumstances'~decides with heart, dislikes conflict, driven by emotion, easily hurt,empathetic, caring of others, warm.

yes...everything goes on in my head and i definately am ruled by my heart, although i would say my solitary nature masks how i feel about others, obscuring the 'caring of others and warm' of my *feeling*

63% *judging*
'Judging is the preference outwardly displayed. Judging does not mean "judgmental". Judging people like order, organization and think sequentially. They like to have things planned and settled. Judging people seek closure.'~organised, structured, quick at tasks, responsible, likes closure, makes plans.

oh yes...order and organisation, structured~i think thats why i enjoy doing my degree so much and have the willpower to sit and do the work. makes plans~does that include making lists i wonder?!

i love the 'famous INFJ people', which includes Aristophanes, Chaucer, Goethe,Nelson Mandela and Robert Burns (as well as modern day actors etc)and i love the idea that Dr.Yuri Zhivago, Amelie Poulain and Luke Skywalker are also INFJ!
as for career matches...social worker~good grief! i worked for social services for many years, as well as working for a homeless charity with addicts/ex-prisoners and schedule one offenders.
but would love to be a librarian, writer,artist~my dad is an artist and although i love to draw and paint, i so wish i had half of his talent.

more to follow...

~Fabio Casartelli-August 16, 1970 – July 18, 1995~

fourteen years ago today the Italian cyclist Fabio Casartelli was killed decending the col de portet d'aspet in the Pyrannes, France during the fifteenth stage of the Tour de France.