just lately i have been in what i call a 'drifting' frame of mind, finding it hard to settle to anything apart from my studies, even though i have sorted my timetable so i had more time for 'me'
it even means i have been drifting from my path, well not drifting, but finding its hidden in the background, not shouting out at me, but being there in a subtle way.
*of course it never goes away*
i have always considered myself as a pagan born~i can never remember being anything but, so, no it never goes away...it just hides, tucked away inside me, keeping me warm, sustained and reminding, every now and then of its being.
these reminders come to me as gentle tugs and one of those tugs came today, prompting me to work with my green man tree oracle, where the thoughts of 'lost' came from me and from where beech came to me
*what lies beyond the threshold?*
it turned out to be quite interesting as it actually ended up mostly responding to my unconscious~tomorrow there is a gathering at avebury of folk from a forum swampy and i are members of, but me being me...i hate meeting new people, even meeting a single new person is bad enough (remember my post about being shy?!) but meeting multiples of this single person is enough to put me in a drop dread faint just at the thought of it...i feel i should have smelling salts stowed away in my bag to be brought out at the slightest hint of having to socialise...well anyway my beech card, oh how insightful...
*i am a creature of habit, finding it safer, easier to cosy up to what is safe and familiar~safer than crossing the threshhold and all the uncertainty it holds. but what is beyond the threshold is new experiences and life enhancing lessons~i am being told to cross the threshold...*
so i see that its time to stop being afraid, confront my shyness and take that step over the threshold...
it also made me think of new things
*that what is over the threshold may be enticing me into a new experience*
i have been exchanging e-mail with a friend, i shall call him carp(hello carp!)and we have been talking instruments, he plays the didgeridoo and his partner has just started to play his bodhran and it has made me want to get back into playing music. i started with the fiddle, moving onto the penny whistle, both many years ago, and for whatever reason stopped playing. recently i have have had such an urge to start playing something again, i think it has something to do with swampy and his guitar, and from my 'chats' with carp have decided on the didj and bodhran. so i have been doing some research on both and hope that, given the bodhran is slightly less expensive than a didj (which i hope to have by the end of the year) a bodhran will come first
i have found a chap in Antrim~ being part Irish of course i want an Irish made one~ who makes both harps and bodhrans and will personalise them if requested, so have decided to accept the wisdom of the beech and get myself one after our up and coming h van camp.
i am actually feeling quite excited about it~something new that will give me a lot of pleasure