~thank you all for your kind comments~they are all very much appreciated~

*what i didn't say in that post was that i have terrible claustrophobia!*

this meant that the night before my MRI i was awake having horrid thoughts of being in a small tube and not being able to get out.

so you can imagine the state i was in by the time i was called through.
the team were really nice however and gave me a guided tour of the MRI and showed me that in fact once in position my head would almost (notice i say 'almost') be totally clear of the other end of the machine~not too bad...but that's not the point~i would be confined in a small tube with no easy and instant means of escape.

they did tell me to keep my eyes closed as they put me through so that i didn't panic, although i admit once i opened my eyes at the other end my head wasn't as clear of the tube as i would have liked and so i ended up having to crane my neck back so i could stare at the ceiling.

i was in there for about 45 minutes and even now thinking about it my chest goes all tight with fear~from the moment i opened my eyes in there i was close to the edge of all out panic attack, even to the point of wondering if i would be able to squirm my way out of the machine at the head end~made worse when i realised i was actually strapped to the bed.
even the emergency button i had clutched in my hand was not enough to stop the rising fear inside of me, for even by pressing it, i would not instantly be free.

throughout i had my eyes fixed on the few ceiling tiles i could see and the speaker~i had ear defenders on because it was so loud but it sort of occupied my mind a little because the noises changed with each scan.

however even that was not plain sailing for one of the longer scans sounded just like a clown laughing over and over again and wouldnt you know it i suffer not only with claustrophobia but coulrophobia~the fear of clowns...oh yes!
i cannot look at them in pictures or on the screen and even thinking or writing about them makes me anxious

so there i lay with that fist of panic in my chest rising with the thought that any moment now a clown would pop its head either from the ceiling tile or appear in the room at my head.

the relief when the voice in the ear defenders told me it was all over was immense.

i do know if i ever have to have another one, involving not having my head free, then they would have to knock me out good and proper!


now iam in a sort of limbo~but at least things will be clearer come tuesday