~a funny midwinter~

well not so much funny haha as~strange

the weather has been freezing and sunny and vast areas of the village not touched by the low midwinter sun remains frozen from day to day~today walking back from my mums home i passed a row of four donkeys all enjoying the leaves remaining on a large blackberry bush, their shaggy fur drying in the patch of weak sun.

i have been feeling very contented~settled this past few days and for the first time i do not have the feeling for 'christmas' as i have in past years

its almost as if the enforced change brought about by my nans passing this year has made me not worry about not feeling the same about christmas any more.

christmas to me has never been about religion~when i was small it was about a holiday from school, maybe snow, our annual monopoly marathon and of course presents.

when my dad left my mum it was about keeping things nice for my mum, then when my gramps died it was about having nan here instead of alone in her flat...

and now...

christmas is still about family~of me and swampy sharing the day with my mum and sister and her new boyfriend (another change to our old chrsitmas tradition) but to me...things feel oh so different.

this year i feel i have been given the keys to alter my perception and not feel guilty about not feeling 'christmas' as my family perceive it, instead it has been my pagan path that has been in the foreground~i can finally say to myself that yes i am celebrating the solstice/yule/midwinter not christmas.

it doesnt matter that i give gifts and send cards relating to christmas because in my heart i know what matters to me and i wont stop celebrating with my family because of it~i can still respect what is important to them and enjoy the day with them...

while there in my heart and surrounding me in my home is my own path, keeping me warm, nurturing me, bring me joy